OK, so I’m feeling very Carrie Bradshaw today. No, i didn’t go out and buy $525 shoes, but Kate Spade and Tommy Hilfiger and I have been getting to know each other quite well. I’m talking about advice if you’ve ever seen an episode of Sex and the City (or the movies and all episodes like myself) you know she gives great advice. I may not be the best at financial advice, well actually I really should have a personal accountant for my shopping problem, but that is for another discussion. I may not give great love advice but I do know a few things: you really shouldn’t fall in love with men who bat for the other team and if you are hopelessly romantic: stop fueling the unrequited love.
So, the falling-for-the-gay boy thing…I seriously don’t know why it happens. OK, yes I do. It’s because first of all some of them dress impeccably, I mean it;s like they stepped out of a J. Crew catalogue. Come on, that’s just irresistible. Exhibit A: so damn dreamy.
Well, that boy may be straight, but sometimes they are not. If they are the type that dresses like this, note they also like take you to the ballet, will go see movies (not action ones) with you and it all tends to be very romantic, are either single, not interested or a, excuse my French, douche.
Which segues perfectly into my next point: stop falling for the guys who can’t even give you the time of day, or if they do and they don’t follow through.
Lets take exhibit b: her name is Hopeful Holly. HH is a journalism major and all the guys in her advertising class are either gay or totally hot. HH is almost always on time for class, seriously she shows up ten minutes early all the time. However, HH decided to party a little too hard the night before and had to run to Starbucks to get a large caramel macchiato to kill her pounding headache, resulting in her lateness to her ad class. HH goes to the back of the classroom of about 30 people. She sits next to a cute blonde guy who looks like he could model for Abercrombie, yes his body is that nice as shown by his Vineyard Vines polo, pastel shorts and Sperrys. She can’t help that notice but, oh we’ll call him Mad Men Matt, smells like Polo. HH is a bit busy starring at MMM to realize that she’s not even taking notes. This goes on for about a week until she gets the courage to talk to him, when she does, HH turns bright red. MMM calls her adorable and after a few more discussions they agree to “study”. When HH texts him that Sunday, MMM doesn’t return the text, or the call, or the facebook message. OK, so maybe HH got a little crazy, but it doesn’t matter because MMM like her too he’s just busy right? WORNG. Stone cold wrong. That is just a classic example of fueling the douche. Also, HH had to get notes from her best girl friend who was not super joyed and here’s why:
Here’s how it breaks down, MMM is a hot man and he knows it. Now, that should repel HH but it doesn’t because she is just so infatuated with the fact that he watches Mad Men, and he likes journalism, and he understands deadlines and working late, and that he doesn’t have a problem ordering Chinese food and living off it for a few days.
Whenever you get all red and embarrassed, he thinks its adorable and more so it fuels his ego. Men like to be reminded how awesome they are and when you get all giggly and fidgety his ego builds. He watches Mad Men because he had to for class and he thought that he would get more girls, its the same thing with why he wants to talk journalism with you. As for working late, yeah that’s not always a good thing. And he’s a guy, obviously he’s going to think the Chinese food thing is good.
Now the fact you fell for MMM or someone almost like him (seriously girl, have a little variety I know you have a type and all but dang) shows that you need a little life lesson. I know that Taylor Swift makes you feel so happy when you think about being kissed in the rain or whatever and that he’s going to leave his fiancee at the alter. Get it through your pretty little head, it’s not going to happen. First of all as romantic as kissing in the rain may seem, thank you Ryan Gosling, you’d probably get a really bad cold. Also if he’s at the alter with this girl, chances are he’s not leaving her.
So there it is my advice to stop flirting with the MMM types because honestly, it’s getting to be a little much and watching romantic comedies doesn’t help either. I know you just want to be kissed romantically (and by that I mean soberly) and that you would just love to be taken out. But, really until you find someone who won’t be super rude to you, you gotta calm it down and focus on something a little bit more important (maybe I don’t know, school). And frankly, these Sunday morning Starbucks gossip recap-the-weekend/complain to me about your nonexistent love life is getting tedious and um, expensive.
So calm it down, take a Xanax and seriously quit fueling the unrequited love.
My debit card bill and nerves thank you.